Friendship redefined

“Two ways to define a true friend: someone who says ‘hi’ every time they see you (even on bad days), and someone who agrees to show up on moving day - and shows up.” ~ Barry Parham (author/satirist)

A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother. ~ Proverbs 18:24

It’s the Christmas season so by now many of you have pulled out those VHS tapes and DVD’s to watch your favorite holiday movies. One Christmas classic is “A Christmas Story” which chronicles the fictional life of Ralphie Parker as he plots and schemes the receipt of a young boy’s ultimate gift; a Red Rider BB gun with a compass in the stock.

Throughout the movie we see Ralphie and his little brother Randy dealing with the typical challenges of childhood, food that you would rather not eat, waiting in long lines, being trussed up like a turkey in winter clothes and of course dealing with the school yard bullies; Scott Farkas and his toady Grover Dill. Ralphie has two friends named Flick and Schwartz, but I am not sure if I would agree that they are true friends. For example; when Ralphie utters an expletive that he just happened to hear from his father, rather than admit it he chooses to blame his friend Schwartz, who subsequently gets punished by his mother. Another scene is when he and Schwartz triple dog dare Flick to stick his tongue to the frozen flag pole. Then the bell ring and they leave him stuck there and head back to class. Finally, when one of the trio is getting beaten up by the yellow-eyed Scott Farkas, the others bid a hasty retreat to avoid similar treatment. With friends like these you might need that BB gun to survive.

C.S. Lewis laments in “Mere Christianity” how words over time have lost their significance and true meaning. He cited how the word gentleman once referred to someone of land, means and status as well as dignity and culture. He went on to say that the term had lost its original meaning and was applied indiscriminately to any and all manner of men no matter their deportment. Lewis used this example to point out how the word Christian had lost its power and significance. Words do have meaning, and if we choose to use them in a trite and thoughtless manner we eventually relegate them to the scrap heap of meaninglessness. In our current culture it appears the very same thing has happened to the word friend and how we apply it.

The internet and social networking has played a part in dumbing down the word friend. An individual can have 500 or more virtual “friends” but when the chips are down, how many of those individuals will be there for us in a real and tangible way? What are these “friends” doing for you to grow you spiritually? The author of Proverbs, inspired by the Holy Spirit penned “a man of many companions will come to ruin” and that is even truer today than in ages past. If someone is your virtual friend doesn’t that in turn obligate them to a meaningful and at times costly investment in your real world? Being called or considered a friend should require someone a little more that a superficial or trite interaction with one another. Maybe I am alone in this comment, but being my friend should mean that we see each other in public that I extend the courteously of more than just a mono-syllabic grunt of acknowledgment when I see you. When we ask each other how are you doing, we really want to know the answer to that question and that we are in fact listening and logging the response.

Do we view friendship as a right or a privilege? Maybe part of the problem stems from the fact we treat our “friends” in the same manner as we treat our relationship with God. We talk to them when we feel like it, view it way too casually or only when it is convenient. We don’t show much gratitude or display a certain fickleness toward them if they don’t meet our perceived needs or expectations. Or maybe it is a one-dimensional or one-sided relationship where we are just looking for a sympathetic ear to vent all of our complaints and frustrations, but don’t want to listen to what they have to say. Our friendship with God and being called His friend is neither earned nor deserved, and we need to count it a distinct privilege. If man is created in the image of God and every human has infinite value in His eyes, then this needs to translate into a radical redefinition of how we treat friends and friendship.

If you are a follower of the Gospel of Jesus Christ and you believe that the Gospel changes everything (II Corinthians 5:17) then doesn’t that include how you define and view friendship? How do we define friendship and if the Bible tells us that we have a friend in Jesus and that we are friends of God, how does that translate in how we treat and view our friends? Recently I was logging onto Twitter and a tweet by an individual that goes by the moniker “Freddy Amazing” caught my eye. He posted this acrostic for friend; (F)ights for you (R)espects you, (I)nvolve you, (E)ncourage you, (N)eed you and (S)ave you. From a human perspective that is not a bad definition, but apply that to how Jesus Christ is our friend. He fought for us by paying the penalty for our sins. He involves us by giving us the privilege to bring Him honor and glory and tell others about Him. He encourages us by His example and through His love, mercy and grace. He needs us to live out our faith so the world will see our good works and glorify the Father. And He provides a way to save us through His perfect sacrifice and solve our greatest problem.

We have a certain level of community as a body of believers, but that does not necessarily translate into true friendship. We have the Gospel in common which should lead to a deeper and more meaningful kinship, but we can all attest to the fact that this is not necessarily the case. My intent is not to write an exhaustive treatise on the subject of friends and friendship. But I am trying to challenge myself and anyone who stumbles upon this post to reclaim the biblical example of friendship.

In the book “101 Hymn Stories” Kenneth W. Osbeck tells the story of hymn writer Joseph Scriven who wrote one of the most beloved but simple hymns titled “What a Friend We Have in Jesus.” Scriven was born in Dublin, Ireland in 1819 to a prosperous family. Scriven’s faith in Jesus Christ estranged him from his family and the night before he was to wed his fiancé drowned. He immigrated to Canada and from that point on his goal in life was to live out the Sermon on the Mount, (Matthew 5). He gave freely of his possessions and never refused anyone who needed his help. He spent a great deal of time sawing wood for the poor and widowed in the community. He penned the lyrics to the hymn as a means of encouragement to his mother who had fallen gravely ill back in Dublin. Scriven never meant for the poem to be published, but it is so personal and relevant to the needs of many that it is typically one of the first hymns missionaries teach to new converts. This hymn was borne out of personal tragedy, estrangement and living out the Gospel in real life.

What a friend we have in Jesus,
All our sins and grief’s to bear!
What a privilege to carry
Everything to God in prayer!
Oh, what peace we often forfeit,
Oh, what needless pain we bear,
All because we do not carry
Everything to God in prayer!

Have we trials and temptations?
Is there trouble anywhere?
We should never be discouraged—
Take it to the Lord in prayer.
Can we find a friend so faithful,
Who will all our sorrows share?
Jesus knows our every weakness;
Take it to the Lord in prayer.

Are we weak and heavy-laden,
Cumbered with a load of care?
Precious Savior, still our refuge—
Take it to the Lord in prayer.
Do thy friends despise, forsake thee?
Take it to the Lord in prayer!
In His arms He’ll take and shield thee,
Thou wilt find a solace there.

Take the time to examine your relationships and ponder how the Gospel has redefined friendship and how you view your friends. And while we are at it, we also should ask ourselves how we view and treat the best friend we have in this life; Jesus Christ.

"Fake friends are like shadows, always near you at your brightest moments, but no where to be seen at your darkest hours." ~ Anon

“A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.” ~ Proverbs 17:17