So you say!

“Faithful are the wounds of a friend; profuse are the kisses of an enemy.” ~ Proverbs 27:6

Who among us truly appreciates criticism? Probably one of the most difficult lessons for Christians to learn is how to receive and give criticism with the proper motive and response. Our first reaction is typically one of resentment and we lash out with responses like; how dare they criticize me, where do they get off, or well let me tell you a thing or two. Or maybe we internalize the criticism and feel discouraged or defeated and respond by just giving up. The problem with all of these responses is that none of them are what the Bible teaches and they do not reflect a life changed by the Gospel.

We need to know the difference between constructive criticism and slander. Wikipedia defines constructive criticism with the following statement; “The word critic comes from the Greek κριτικός (kritikós), "able to discern" , which in turn derives from the word κριτής (krités), meaning a person who offers reasoned judgment or analysis, value judgment, interpretation, or observation .” For further elaboration it states; “criticism performed with a compassionate attitude towards the person qualified for criticism,” The key thing we need to keep in mind is that in order for it to be constructive it has to be done with a loving attitude, in a polite and helpful manner with the motivation of helping someone improve.

In the dictionary definition of slander it uses words like malign, defame, accuse, disgrace and to harm some one’s reputation. There is no love, it is not polite, not helpful and the motivation is not to help someone improve. Alistair Begg states; “Slander is a subtle form of self exaltation.” The objective is to make ourselves look better or feel better at the expense of someone else. We rationalize and say; they had it coming, they deserved it, or the need to get their comeuppance.

What does the Bible say about slander? Proverbs 10:18 states; “The one who conceals hatred has lying lips, and whoever utters slander is a fool.” David in Psalm 50:19 & 20 writes; "You give your mouth free rein for evil, and your tongue frames deceit. "You sit and speak against your brother; you slander your own mother's son.” David warns that the result of this in verse 22 is the absence of God for deliverance. David is even more direct in Psalm 101:5; “Whoever slanders his neighbor secretly I will destroy. Whoever has a haughty look and an arrogant heart I will not endure.”

I cannot cite the source but I have heard the story of an old Scottish preacher who was approached by one of his parishioners and told that one of his fellow clergy members was enduring slanderous accusations. The old preacher was very indignant and animatedly told the parishioner that the charge was outrageous and untrue. The parishioner reluctantly told the old preacher; Pastor these same people are questioning your salvation as well. The old preacher quietly thanked the man and asked to be excused so he could get alone with God and pray about the matter.

This Pastor followed the same example of Moses in the book of Numbers. When the children of Israel questioned or complained about God and His sovereign plan Moses was quick to defend God and His character. But every time Moses was slandered or criticized in a non-constructive manner what did he do? When his brother and sister criticized him in Numbers 12 we see in verse 3 that he prayed. In Numbers 14 the people wanted to stone Moses and Aaron and in verses 5 and 11-20 he prayed and bowed before the Lord. But he even went a step further and prayed a prayer of intercession for the people asking God to “pardon the iniquity of this people.” Another example is found in Numbers 16:1-3 when the sons of Korah came against Moses. What did he do? In verse 4 he prayed and let God handle the matter.

We need to discern the difference between constructive criticism and slander when we speak with each other and ask ourselves; what is my motivation and heart attitude with what I am about to say. But taking it a step further; we also need to consider the criticism we receive as a potentially instruction from God, no matter who is the source. Does the criticism have any merit? Does it line up with what it says in God’s Word? And do my actions or attitude warrant this criticism. Easier said than done…

What I find the most difficult is when I do not necessarily appreciate the source of criticism. If it comes from a true friend who has earned their voice or one of my Pastors it is a little easier to take. When it comes from a casual acquaintance or even some one outside of the church it is a definitely more difficult. But that does not mean that it should not be considered or contemplated.

As parents we need to be careful how we respond when our children criticize us and how we respond. If they say something with the right spirit and attitude we need to respond in kind. Are we humble enough to accept what they are saying and are we guilty of living a double standard or being inconsistent in a certain area? What about when it comes from our spouses? Let’s face it; criticism from people we love and care for is probably the most difficult source to accept it from. They know us all too well and vice-versa, and it is difficult at times not to view criticism from those sources as a minor form of betrayal. But Solomon knew this when he penned; faithful are the wounds of a friend.

In a February 26th article by Days of Praise it states; “…if an honest evaluation of the criticism reveals it to be unwarranted, or perhaps even deliberately false and hurtful, then our example becomes Christ Himself. He never did or said anything to merit criticism (as we do, far too often), but he received it in great abundance. What was His response? When reviled, he reviled not again; when he suffered, he threatened not; but committed himself to him that judgeth righteously.” (1 Peter 2:23)


“Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another.” ~ Proverbs 27:17